Conquering the Steps of Change

 

The past couple of weeks have been thoughtful, challenging, rewarding. They have also led to the realization that rehab integration needs to occur. As I have thought about different surfaces, I realized not only do pavement, sidewalks, gravel, and stones provide different challenges, but new walking shoes created a different challenge. Then, walking barefoot or wearing other footwear provided additional challenges.

The surface challenges are there, but the thoughtfulness was lacking. And so I began integrating what I was doing on morning walks into the rest of the day. 

I realized I needed to have that consistent awareness and focus, that I was using on my walk, in place as often as possible throughout my day. And so I began.... I began to focus on the feeling of walking barefoot. A new experience and therefore new muscles being used on the top of my foot. I wore "crocs" and felt the changes in my toes between holding those on and wearing sandals.  I need to be careful not to shuffle, walking heel toe no matter what I am wearing. Awareness of posture, does my frame stay uplifted walking casually.  Pushing a grocery cart vs walking in a store without a cart or basket. I try to take the stairs in an office building whenever possible as I don't have stairs at home. Stairs and balance continue to be a challenge, however, it is here that I realized trust in my abilities come into play as well. 

Last week I had the opportunity to try out the new me on a three day adventure to Northern Arizona. The surfaces were varied from trails, to walkways, to flat rock, to pine needle covered pathways, to gravel, sand, water, and more. 

The first picture above is an area at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon called Angel's Window. I had been there a few years ago, but was not able to climb out on the overlook due to the rockiness and  steepness of the trail, and walkway to get there. Could I do it this time? I really wasn't sure, but completed the short trail to get to the beginning of the climb. It is a rocky path down, then, as you can see, flat rocks all the way to the end. The fence and railing are there for support, however, getting too close and looking down provides a whole other list of challenges. The railing is open and the distance down is long. As I looked down at where I had to go and plotted my path, I realized my biggest challenge was myself. I had to believe I could do this. And so with a deep breath, I began the ascent. I walked carefully and intentionally, and before long, I was on the flat rocks of the overlook. A couple of guys asked if I could take their picture which meant I had to turn and hold my balance. How could I say no? And so another challenge conquered and I began to feel more comfortable as we started to chat. The climb back up was relatively easy and that's when I realized the challenges were not if I could physically do these things, but whether I believed that I could. 

The second picture is Lake Powell, AZ. Sand, water, and balance. I had been to the beach in February to walk in the sand, so this would be a good way to check my progress. I had on "crocs" and easily got to the waters edge. Thinking back to February it was a challenge to walk in the sand, to even get to the water. It was impossible to balance in the water, so I was hesitant to take off my shoes to wade barefoot. But I remembered the day before and knew the challenge was in my mind. Shoes off, stand, feel my balance, and then begin to slowly walk back and forth. I developed a gait and I was off! An amazing feeling walking in water over my knees that I had not experienced for many years. I walked back to the car barefoot until the hot sand made it necessary to wear my shoes.  Challenge accepted... challenge accomplished!

The third picture is an area called Horseshoe Bend in Page, AZ. We were not planning on stopping, and there was a 1.7 mile hike in and out to the overlook. I still had on "crocs" and thought should I put on walking shoes? The trail is well traveled but with downhill and uphill terrain. I decided to stay in the "crocs" and again challenged myself to normalcy. It was a great walk. Aside from the heat (95 degrees and no shade).  I was able to maintain a consistent pace. I knew the down hill and uphill were challenging my calves as well as my flexibility and kept focus on feeling in my feet, legs, and shoulders. It was awe inspiring. There were a couple of stairways and I was able to walk a couple of steps without the railing. Again, believing in my progress and believing in me. Challenge accepted... challenge accomplished!

And so the learning continues. Not only learning about what works and what doesn't physically, but learning about myself and believing in my ability. Throughout this long rehab process one of the biggest challenges has to been to see myself  as someone who is able to overcome the challenges that were my way of life for so many years. The doubt creeps in and gets pushed back many times over many days, but never as often as on this trip.  My journey continues to be a work in progress, as I continue to build my new normal, one day, one step, one mile at a time.